I still can't sleep.

I wrote these, what else can I say.

Anonymity Hurts.
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I don't know exactly what love is yet, but this feels like it might be it.
Do you know that you inspire me, I write about you constantly.
But I can never show it to you the way I want to.
Because of you I can't be completely honest.
Because of you I write poems that depress me, I listen to music that depresses me, I even read books that depress me.
It's not your fault.
It's not their fault.
The fault is all my own.
The poems depress me, because I write them about you.
The books and music depress me, because they're things that I associate with you.
It's my fault.
It's not your fault I want things I can't have.
Can never have.
Oh listen to me whine.
I should just shut my mouth, and put down my pen.
But theses things constantly run around my head, and it feels like a balloon with to much air.
Ok, bad analogy.
But this is the only way I can get this out, anonymously.
I don't want to be anonymous.
Anonymity hurts.
Maybe someday I'll be able to tell you, but for right now I have to sit in painful silence, waiting, waiting.
And even when the time is right, you probably won't love me.

And you still won't notice.
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I can't even believe how much I love you.
And you don't even notice.
Have you seen the way I look at you?
I can't believe you haven't taken notice of me, of how I stare, and laugh, how I smile a lot when you talk to me.
How my cheeks flare red and I get self-conscience when you're next to me.
I want to linger there in your arms when you hug me.
And when you catch me off guard, saying you love me, only you mean it like this.
But when I say it I mean it like that.
I mean I love you with everything I've got in me.
And it hurts because you still haven't noticed.
Noticed that every second with you is killing me because we're on different levels.
You're here, and I'm there, and I just want to close the distance between us until there is no distance between at all.
So much so that I'm sitting here scribbling this, listening to this song that makes me think about you, and fighting tears.
But you still haven't noticed.

See I can be serious, and thoughtful.